i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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