i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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