it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
