I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
