My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
