she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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