Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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