Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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