god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
