its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
