I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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