She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Congratulations! We have a period
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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