I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
