I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
