Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
