So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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