In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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