I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
