she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
