you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
