forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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