4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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