I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
