His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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