I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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