Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
