If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
