I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
