I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
