this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I touched a dick in church today
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