So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
