I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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