I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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