I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
