...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
