I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
