when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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