It's Friday. Sex?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize