you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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