She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
