If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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