Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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