Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
