the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
