I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
