I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
