i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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