Swine flu. Run for my life!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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