Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
