Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
