His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
