CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
