Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
