I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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