Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
