If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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