no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
