Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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