doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
