Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
