6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
