at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
