You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize