Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
