I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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