I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
