My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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