i just wanna soil my oats bro
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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