How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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