I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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