At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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