White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
