the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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