Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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