You can't special order awesome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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