two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would ride that face into the sunset
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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