We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
