Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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