i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
