woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
