I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
