Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
