i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
