Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
