I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
