I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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