I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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