you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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