Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
