Me too!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
