im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
