You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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