If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
