I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
