Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
