You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
