Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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