Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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