I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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