Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I currently don't understand fingers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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