Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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