Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Randomize
