My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
