Swine flu. Run for my life!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
