How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
