You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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