i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
