She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
